ladycadey: (Bad day at work)
You've had one of those days, right? The coffee spilled, the boss yelled at you, you've had engine trouble or a flat tire, little Timmy or Suzie brought home straight F's on their report card, dinner burned, and you just want to check your email, so you sit down at the computer, hit the power button... and nothing happens.

So you panic, throw a fit cause you've already had a bad day, and then angrily grab the phone, punch some numbers in, and you swear that you're going to rip someone a new one because this is just supposed to work right?

So you're pacing and fuming while you're listing to the elevator music being piped in until you hear a beep and someone's actual, live voice.

"Thanks for calling X's Technical Support, my name is [ profile] cadey. How can I help you?"

You open your mouth...

And stop the fantasy there.

Let's be real. This is a live person on the other end and just because you've had a shitty day does not give you the right to spew every hateful thing you've been building up.

This is technical support, not anger management therapy where we bend over and let you fuck us without lube. We are live humans. We may not have souls when it comes to the pictures of your kids and movies of them throwing up and all of the porn that is stored on your hard drive, but we have a job to do, which is this:

Our job is to discover what is wrong with your computer and to try to fix it to the best of our abilities.

That's it. It is not to rescue data for you, it is not for us to be a punching bag for your bad day, it is not to be your absolute bestest friend in the world!(tm). We are here to find out what's wrong with your computer.

I work in Technical Support. I am the other person in this equation. I work in a chat-only queue. That means I don't take phone calls. In my queue, I handle two people at once.

Here are some quick and EASY steps for you to take when calling or chatting into tech support:

1. Know your system. Most model numbers are on the front or the back of the system.

2. Know your problem. We are not mind readers. We can't magically ESP into your system and communicate with it. We are like doctors. We don't know what's wrong until you tell us. In chat support, nothing pops up and gives us all of the intimate details of your computer. We can't see anything. Over the phone, we can hear your kids screaming in the background, the TV blaring, and everything. Yes, everything. Our phones are pretty sensitive.

3. Pay attention. You want us to pay attention to you? Return the favor. If you have to, move the computer beforehand to a quieter room, tell the kids to go to their rooms to play, turn the TV off, do what you need to do to minimize distractions. We're probably going to need you to do a hell of a lot of things. Including grabbing a screwdriver and taking some parts out of the system. Minimizing the distractions can be kind of important. We're sweating this just as much as you are.

4. Be calm. We know that you want it fixed. It is our job to fix it. But wasting fifteen minutes by blowing your top does not help. Wasting our time as well as yours does not magically fix the computer.

5. Learn. If you want to know about something, and we're in the middle of diagnostics, we've got some down time. Fire away. Just don't ask "How can this happen?" Because you know what? Shit happens. Your computer is a moving piece of machinery. Do you ask your mechanic "How can this happen?" if your transmission needs work? Probably not. Moving parts break. Batteries wear out. Shorts can fry a delicate electronics part. In short, shit happens. Computers don't last forever. Most computers only last four to six years. Get over it. By the time that rolls around, the technology in that system is so outdated, it's not even funny.

6. Protect yourself. Live by this simple creed: If you will be heartbroken if it is gone tomorrow, don't keep it on a computer. Back it up to a CD. Several CDs. Keep it on an external drive. A USB key. Anything. Just don't put all of your eggs in one basket. I'm sure that you remember that story, right?

If you cry and throw a hissy and demand that your data be returned to you right this second, you will be mocked and ridiculed in the tech's mind. Probably aloud over lunch break. If you think that a failed hard drive doesn't happen, go back into your happy fun world with sugar coating, daisies, and unicorns. Maybe they'll knock you out and take your fricking kidney as well.

7. Remember that the person on the other end is just that. A person. Dealing with the $users of the world tends to make us into snide, cynical little bastards/bitches. We don't care about your data. It should be backed up. Because it's going to take a day (omgnomyemailblognotmyinternets!) or so to get the parts to you doesn't mean that we have control over this. Most hardware warranties are Next Business Day. Next Business Day means that your part will ship Next business day. If you call at 9:30 pm on Saturday night, it's not going to ship until Monday at the earliest. Don't yell at us, this is courier times. They need days off as well. We try to fix the computer to the best of our abilities. It doesn't mean that everything is going to work instantly.

8. Remote Desktop. Just because it's possible doesn't mean that we're going to check your computer for everything.

9. Don't be a prick. If you demand a part replacement, you'd better have pre-done the work for us. Run diagnostics, try a known good part, have serial numbers (for batteries/other parts) available and ready to go. A detailed explination of the problem, along with all troubleshooting that you have done goes a long way.

10. Educate yourself. Don't run to technical support for every. little. thing. We are not here to be your personal tech. We are here to fix problems. Including the one that exists between the keyboard and the chair. But if you don't take the lesson, you will be nothing more than a frequent flyer. Do a simple google search. That's what it's there for.

11. If you have multiple issues, tell us all of them up front. Don't wait until we've got everything set up, and you break in with "Oh yeah, I've also got this other problem..."

Do these simple things, and I can guarantee that your next tech support call will go MUCH smoother.


ladycadey: (Default)

December 2011



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